In recent years, technology has become very commonplace and it effectively brings many advantages in society, although some individuals believe that technology causes a considerable amount of drawbacks. In my opinion, having technology is not only an upgrade for(facilitate) people’s daily matters but also boosts the quality of life.
There is no doubt that technology is a magnificent tool that helps people in everyday needs and makes our life way better than the past. In the old society, people valued human resources because of(to) supporting basic expenditure and life matters, they only relied on man power to achieve it. For instance, women stayed at home to take care of children and do house chores, while their husbands went to work. In addition, if their kids grew mature, they needed to take part in this sort of working structure as well. However, at present, people have different domestic appliances that help them focus less on basic tasks and save more time for any other things(more crucial tasks). For example, a robotic vacuum has become a necessity in every household because it can do floor cleaning automatically, which is like a life saver to hectic people nowadays. Therefore, living quality and human habits are changed by technological inventions, both women and men can either go working or have more time for various activities.
In contrast, technology could also have some drawbacks because people nowadays are too reliant on electric devices to care about their surroundings. For example, smartphones or laptops are prevalent nowadays because of their practical functions and handy design. People carry it as an indispensable piece of equipment, using it all the time. As a result, those people who are addicted to electric devices might neglect their beloved families and friends.
In conclusion, although technology still has some potential concerns like losing connection with reality. I believe that if people use it appropriately in the right directions and with good habits, it will have a greater vision for society than without using it.

更改顏色:
紅色: 用字錯誤、冗言贅字
橘色: 文法錯誤
紫色: 邏輯錯誤
藍色: 補述說明
讚讚:
1. 整體內容清晰,不會讓讀者讀不懂
2. topic sentence都有立場
弱弱:
1. 這題是agree/disagree essay,挑好一個立場後,body paragraph都要立場一致。這裡你支持科技所帶來的是「好處」,所以你第三段也要寫「好處」
2. 這延伸出第二個問題,你的intro引進了兩個觀點(an upgrade for people’s daily matters but also boosts the quality of life. ) ,然而這兩個太過類似,所以會導致你第三段不知道要寫什麼!所以選好觀點很重要
3.用詞太過口語話(ex. an upgrade for, any other things)