Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of technology, the transmission of information has been becoming more and more efficient and effective. Whereas, some people look upon the popularity of social media influencers as something meaningful, I am holding an opposite opinion toward this statement, and the reasons will be elaborated thoroughly as follow.
Influencers can manipulate public discourse by promoting biased or commercially driven messages, distorting public awareness of(on) some social or political issues. That is, (by) using their massive influence to(on) the audience, influencers can shape harmful opinions to society easily as they promote things by individual profit. Take Taiwan as an example, During recent years, lots of famous influencers have been invited to China for traveling and filming, which usually shows some propaganda aimed at strengthening the connection between China and Taiwan in the videos. Therefore, many of fans from the influencers tend to be more supportive about China by the videos or the opinions that influencers provide.
The unregulated contents upload(ed) by social media influencers may mislead vulnerable groups, especially those with limit access to formal education or reliable information. In other words, those group without sufficient resource may believe in false or harmful narratives easily, leading to the spread of misinformation and poor decision-making. According to a study from the United Nation, more than 80% of audiences from America, especially those who live in the countryside, had(has) trusted the wrong information provided by the influences(celebrities), which usually have 20% of opportunities to turn out to be negative incidents. However, none of the influencers took the responsibility of being damaged by the misleading actions(viewers’ suffering).
In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, the growing fame of social medial influencers is truly unfavorable because it may spread specific ideology and cause damaged by misleading public.
更改顏色:
紅色: 用字錯誤、冗言贅字
橘色: 文法錯誤
紫色: 邏輯錯誤
藍色: 補述說明
讚讚:
1. 這樣的內容就是我希望你能寫出來的，很棒！
2. topic sentence明確，都有加上自己的立場
3. body paragraph 舉例適宜、不像流水帳
弱弱:
1. 過多用字、句子沒有清楚表達，看不懂什麼意思(紫色的部分)。像是some people look upon the “popularity “of social media influencers as something meaningful，你是想講爆紅這件事是有意義的？還是網紅是有意義的？ 我猜應該是後者，所以這邊不應該寫上popularity
2. 文法、介系詞過多錯誤，導致整體分數會拉下來
3. 第三段結尾應該可以講這些misinformation所導致的不好結果
錯誤部分–
1. 單字也有待加強(拼字錯誤、冗言贅字、搭配詞)
2. 文法錯誤