In modern society, the influence of social media has sparked widespread debate. While some believe that social media influencers positively impact society, others argue that their effect is largely negative. In my opinion, I agree with the former viewpoint. Although social media influencers may encourage harmful behavior among teenagers, many others promote positive trends.(,) By raising awareness about social issues, and encourage(encouraging) adherence to social norms.
On the one hand, some individuals believe that social media influencers drive positive change by spreading valuable information and encouraging healthy behaviors. Many users rely on these platforms for education and inspiration, adopting habits promoted by trusted influencers. For instance, a recent study conducted by Harvard University has shown that 40% of surveyed Americans attempted to quick smoking after exposure to anti-smoking campaigns promoted by celebrities on social media.(personal example) This demonstrates how influencers can effectively discourage harmful habits and foster a healthier society.
On the other hand, teenagers who frequently use social media face significant risks due to their inability to distinguish between positive and harmful influences. Many young users imitate inappropriate behavior they see online, mistaking it for acceptance or trendy conduct. For example, if celebrities respond aggressively to their followers on social media, irrational teenagers may adopt this hostile communication style. They might use offensive language for cyberbullying to damage peer relationships and even facing legal consequences. This not only disrupts social harmony but also result in serious violations of the law.
In conclusion, while social media influencers can sometimes promote negative behaviors among immature youth, I agree with the point that their overall impact on society remains largely positive. Through educational campaigns, awareness initiatives, and the promotion of healthy positive, influencers have proven their ability to drive meaningful social change.

更改顏色:
紅色: 用字錯誤、冗言贅字
橘色: 文法錯誤
紫色: 邏輯錯誤
藍色: 補述說明
讚讚:
1. body paragraph 前段舉例適宜、不像流水帳
2. topic sentence都有自己的立場
4.我覺得內容豐富度挺好的
弱弱:
1. agree/disagree essay 通常是選定一個立場,然後body paragraph就圍繞著這個立場寫。你的introduction 最後寫到網紅所帶來的好處有: ” raising awareness about social issues, and encourage(encouraging) adherence to social norms.” 那就要跟著這個寫
2. 以你的程度我覺得不需要用到假數據(如藍色標注),試著去寫personal example,內容會更detail,像是哪位網紅、拍了什麼樣的內容、你最後做出了什麼改變等
3.文法錯誤還是要多去注意