Undoubtedly, with the rapid developed(development) of the fashion industry in recent decades, fast fasion(fashion) has become a global phenomenon that presents how people consume clothing. Whereas some people look upon it as an afforable(affordable) and accessible way to express peronal(personal) style.(,) others criticize it for causing(blame it for) serious environmental damage. As for my perspective, I am in favor of the latter, and the reasons will be elaborated on thoroughly as following.
An array of causes may lead to why fast fashion is considered beneficial by many consumers. To begin with, due to its accessibility and affordability, people from different income levels are able to purchase trendy clothing without spending a large amount of money. For example, fast fasion(fashion) retailers often release new collections in a extremely low prices, making it possible for consumers to update(renew) their wardrodes(wardrobes) in a low budget. Secondly, the fast fashion industries contributes(provides) significantly quantity of job opportunities, especially in developing countries. In order(other) words, many high profile clothing brands outsource their production to nations such as India, where garment industries provide jobs for millions of workers.
On the other hand, as far as I am concerned, the negative consequences of fast fashion outweigh its benefits. One of the most vital concerns is the envirnoment damage. The production of cheap clothing often involves toxic chemicals, massive water usage and excessive carbon emissions. (Concrete example) Furthemore, another crucial issue is the exploitation of labor. Many fast fashion brands rely on the low cost manufacturing in developing countries (where) worker are often underpaid and exposed under(to) unsafe working conditions. To put in another way, these employees often work for a long time in order to meet up the production lead time and speed up(exacerbate) product launches.
In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, I am firmly convinced that the fast fashion can usher in more demerits due to the enviromental damage and many employees overworked in an unsafe working conditions.

更改顏色:
紅色: 用字錯誤、冗言贅字
橘色: 文法錯誤
紫色: 邏輯錯誤
藍色: 補述說明
讚讚:
1. 整體內容清晰,不會讓讀者讀不懂
2. topic sentence 明確,都有加上立場
3. 第二段寫得蠻好的!雖然沒有提及personal experience, 但舉例恰當、detail,不會像流水帳
弱弱:
1. 錯字會不會太多!!
錯誤部分–
1. 文法錯誤蠻多的(介系詞、關係副詞)
2. 單字也有待加強一咪咪(冗言贅字、搭配詞使用錯誤)