There is no denying that the issue of social media figures has raised widespread concern in recent years. While some people argue that internet personalities(figures) bring significant benefits to society through their online presence, in opposition, others emphasize its potential drawbacks. This essay will briefly examine both perspectives and present my own opinion between them.
On the negative side, certain people consider that social media figures may contribute to the formation of distorted values. One primary reason is that they promote unrealistic lifestyles. Some internet personalities(figures) subtly shape materialistic values in public by constantly posting idealized images and lavish content. This behavior lead many people, particularly among younger gerneration(generation), to fall into a cycle of comparison, comparing their own achievements and resources with superficial standards set by influencers. This “comparison culture” often mislead young individuals to believe that success and happiness are formed by material wealth.(personal example)
On the other hand, despite the above drawbacks, it is essential to recognize that not all celebrities fall into this category.(On the other hand, influencers can benefit the society by creating a sense of belonging and raising public awareness on charity issue.) Some of them play a poivoatl(pivotal) role on social media delivering some positive infliences(influence) to users. Certain internet figures establish a online groups to closely connect with their followers and offer fans with a sense of emotional belongong. Moreover, internet figures’ standing and fame enable them to push people to attention improtant social issues and advocate for meaningful change. For instance, internet figures support environmental campaigns such as beach cleaup(clean up) to encourage many people take small but meaningful steps to reducing pollution of enviroments(environments). This example shows that social media influencer, in addition to raising public awarness(awareness), also diplaying(displaying) the potential for inspring(inspiring) collective action.
To sum up, based on the analysis given above, it is safe to conclude that even though social media influencer may lead to certain negative consequences, the positive impact on society should not be underestimated. Therefore, it is clear that individuals can choose to follow inspiring role model, thus avoiding the negative influence of harmful values.
老師sorry，寫超過40分鐘😭😭😭😭😭😭
更改顏色:
紅色: 用字錯誤、冗言贅字
橘色: 文法錯誤
紫色: 邏輯錯誤
藍色: 補述說明
讚讚:
1. body paragraph 前段舉例適宜、不像流水帳
弱弱:
1. topic sentence是每段的門面，盡量寫得清楚、明白就好，而且要馬上提到「自己的立場」。你第三段寫到: “On the other hand, despite the above drawbacks, it is essential to recognize that not all celebrities fall into this category” 會讓讀者覺得: “嗯？所以咧？” 不要把立場放到後面幾句
2. 你的篇幅不夠是因為可以在「往下寫一點」(如藍色所標註)，第二段你寫到網紅會讓年輕人做比較、得失心很重，前面的intro寫很好，但後面要下去延伸”哪個網紅” “做了什麼?” “年輕人的反應是怎樣?”
3. 這篇是Agree/Disagree，要立場一致，你這篇寫成Discussion essay了
錯誤部分–
1.拼字錯誤蠻多的
The question of whether social media influencers have a positive or negative effect is often debated. This issue has gained attention recently, dividing opinions. In my view, I disagree with the idea that social media influencers have a significant positive impact. This essay will discuss my reasons for this stance and provide examples to support my opinion, leading to a reasoned conclusion.
Firstly, one of the main reasons why I believe influencers have a negative impact is because of the unrealistic lifestyles and standards they promote. For example, many influencers showcase highly curated images of wealth, luxury, and physical perfection, which can create unhealthy comparisons for young people. This clearly demonstrates that such portrayals contribute to body image issues, low self-esteem, and unrealistic expectations, especially among impressionable audiences.
Furthermore, it dawned on me that social media influencers are often detrimental when I consider their profit-driven content. Take product promotions, for example. Influencers often endorse products that they may not personally use or even believe in, simply for financial gain. In addition, this type of marketing can lead to consumers being misled by influencers’ recommendations, prioritizing profits over ethical responsibility.
In conclusion, although there are differing opinions on social media influencers’ impact, I strongly believe that their influence is largely negative based on the reasons discussed above. The evidence and examples provided confirm that their promotion of unrealistic standards and profit-driven motives outweigh any potential benefits they might offer to society.